What do I really want from God?

Do you ever pray with certainty for something small, like catching the 12:30pm ferry instead of needing to wait for the 3:00pm ferry? When you find yourself watching all the cars get on the 12:30 sailing except for you and the 8 woeful souls in front of you, do you stop and wonder where God was when you made the request?

If I am going to be completely honest with you, yah, I do wonder why, in all of His infinite power, He does not orchestrate one little convenience for me knowing how sick I feel and how desperately I want to get home. I know that the ferry schedule and world hunger do not share the same level of urgency BUT I would still argue that God says he is interested in every detail of my life, He, in fact, has a better handle on the number of hairs on my head than my stylist does.

The question that I ,and so many like me, ask on a regular basis is “Where is God when I need Him?”

This is a legitimate question.

Had I made it onto the 12:30pm ferry I would have praised God and tweeted out how He answers prayer. I would have extoled the virtue of taking everything to God in prayer and challenged everyone I know to just trust Him more.

BUT right now, I am sitting in the ferry terminal in my cold car , with a headache and a semi warm cup of coffee and I don’t have a quippie answer. ( quippie:  like hippie without the hipster)

When in doubt as to what God is doing or not doing I am compelled to step outside my pre-packaged world and have a good think.

First question I ask myself: what is it that I really want from God?

My three choices:

ONE:

A God who affirms my every demand?        

Maybe… That would be nice.

“God, I love love love those Prada boots, can you please make them go on sale or better yet, just have someone send them to me in the mail for free????

(My inner control freak is fascinated by this idea of God)

TWO:

A God who ignores me completely?

No…Not so much.

“God are you really there?  I need you.” Silence

(In my heart of hearts I KNOW He is there and the silence is usually caused by me…I go silent until I need something…this was my big self-awareness moment)

THREE:

A God who hears me and then orchestrates my life to fit into the Google earth cosmic reality of time and space and only allows things in my life that He knows I can handle.

Probably…. a better idea!

“God, if it is your will please get my little white car on the ferry and if it is not part of the cosmic plan help me to be at peace with what you have planned for me.”          

The pieces of the puzzle can be complicated because we don’t have the box that has the whole picture printed on it. We just have to get up everyday and TRUST God that the puzzle is being built as it should be and one day we will see it completely. It’s also commonly known as walking by faith.

Corinthians 13:12 says:

 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

My “Think” is over: I know the answer to my question.

I know my God has my best interests at heart and he knew I need time in my car to write this blog post because I am not the only one who struggles with this AND this is just the part of the story of my life that I know…there are other puzzle pieces being put in place that I don’t even know about.

I am so grateful that I cannot manipulate my God.

i